"More and more, the desire grows in me simply to walk around, greet people, enter their homes, sit on their doorsteps, play ball, throw water, and be known as someone who wants to live with them. It is a privilege to have the time to practice this simple ministry of presence. Still, it is not as simple as it seems. My own desire to be useful, to do something significant, or to be part of some impressive project is so strong that soon my time is taken up by meetings, conferences, study groups, and workshops that prevent me from walking the streets. It is difficult not to have plans, not to organize people around an urgent cause, and not to feel that you are working directly for social progress. But I wonder more and more if the first thing shouldn’t be to know people by name, to eat and drink with them, to listen to their stories and tell your own, and to let them know with words, handshakes, and hugs that you do not simply like them, but truly love them. "
- Henri Nouwen
I have been hit in the chest and pummeled backwards 100 yards by this quote recently through the process of a few events.
I will start by saying that being an area director this summer has been one of the greater privileges of my life, what a joy it is to be able to see such a big picture of YouthWorks, to have the opportunity to serve twelve staff, to invest and sink some roots into three communities, and to observe hundreds and hundreds of youth filter through these sites, catch a glimpse of what Jesus is about and take it home. As an area director however, a lot of my job for the first part of the summer seems to be quality control. Straight up I need to make sure what we are putting out there is good enough. Entertaining enough building signs, powerful enough programing, fast enough meal crews and busy enough ministries. My mind gets wrapped around thinking in these terms and I start to snowball, are we on time, did I cross every T and dot every i, and then there is the all pervasive question that gets drilled into my head from all angles.... are they staying busy enough on ministry sites....is there enough work for them.
Last week that question was sitting heavy in my mind as I pulled onto a side street in the south side of Niagara Falls. On this side street resided a woman who for privacies sake I will call Betty, I had heard good reports from my staff about the youth and adults really enjoying the ministry there and I wanted to see the site for myself. To be honest, I wanted to make sure everyone had enough "work". When I showed up at Betty's I was greeted and brought into the living room where Betty sat along with several youth and a few adult leaders. Lisa (Niagara's work project staff), explained who I am and Betty nodded respectfully. I thanked Betty for allowing us to work with her this week and asked her how everything was going. Betty who had by this time creaked out of her floral printed recliner and was standing next to me, her soft hand gripping my arm, leaned into my side a bit and leaked several large tears.
There is something about an elderly woman crying on your side that sends ones heart through a meat processor, possibly I am more prone to this due to the loss of my own grandmother recently but whatever the cost I was a goner. I looked over at Lisa who to my relief was letting her own Mississippi river flow down her face. Betty then went on to articulate to me her own recent history which included the death of her husband and her own inability to really get around as before. She thanked me for the work the youth had done through gasps of breath between a steady stream and I felt at peace.
Upon leaving I realized that I had not done my job, I had gotten so caught up in the emotion of it all that I had neglected to make sure every youth had enough to do and to be frank I dont think they really did. It was at this time that the Henri Nouwen quote hit me in the chest causing what I hope will prove to be permanent damage.I realized for the umpteenth time in my life that I cannot do anything on my own power, I cannot create an experience that will change the life of a youth, I can only observe what is going on and be okay and pray that I get to play some part in it.
The more and more I hear you job requirements the more and more I see how perfect you are for it. You have a gift Ben.
ReplyDeleteSometimes you do need the break from the organization you've always had and get to know people and cry with them and smile with them. That's a true joy.